The Qualifications of one who is a friend,
and different kinds of friends
JTCd All Rights reserved (c) 2000 - 2005 not for publication without permission
After all it is easy to talk of “friend”, especially if you or I don't know what one is.
There are many places in the shastra where friendship is discussed. Often among people who have their own agendas there is an eagerness to be “friends”. Then on the other side of the coin the term friend is sometimes defined as one who sees one’s faults and corrects them (Siddhanta Saraswati Thakur). However, for most who try to stand in those shoes it is often found that their “friendship” was/is tainted with some other business. Ask me how I know, because I’m honest enough to admit to trying to assume that position on several occasions before understanding that there are indeed different kinds of friends to be found in different stations.
Ultimately Krishna is our only real friend. Having said that we can safely say that His pure devotees who only have Krishna in mind are also friends. Others are to be known as having a mixed agenda.
“We are becoming leaders, the friend of the people. But we are not friend of the people. Krsna is the friend, suhrdam sarva-bhutanam. [Bg 5.29] If I simply say that "I am your friend in this sense, that I deliver the message to you that 'Krsna is your best friend.' I do not... I am friend so far I am giving you this information. But actual friend is Krsna, suhrdam sarva - bhutanam. So this is friendship. If one preaches Krsna consciousness and teaches everyone that Krsna is your best friend... He does not say, "I am your best friend." "I am your best friend in this sense that I am giving you this information." Actually, Krsna is your best friend. What can I do? I am a teeny living entity. What can I do for you? I may become your friend, but when you are in danger, I cannot give you any protection. Krsna can give you protection. This is real friendship. He does not take himself. He always carries the message only. Ya idam paramam guhyam mad-bhaktesv abhidhasyati. [Bg 18.68] Simply our business is to carry the message of Krsna. Then we are friend. Otherwise we are not friend. We may pose to become friend, but we are not friend because we do not know how to benefit the friend. Sometimes we mislead him. Therefore our business is to point that "Krsna is your friend." Suhrdam sarva-bhutanam. (Srila A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada's lecture on The Nectar of Devotion, Vrindavana, 31 October, 1972.)
...you may know of the four kinds of friends, at least you would know of them by experience, if not by shastric terminology; the mitra is an ordinary friend. You know the kind you happen to be in the same place so you kind of "associate". By force of circumstances we find ourselves here, we may have something in common, something that we're inclined toward. The inclination is my inclination, it's based on my perception, therefore it is selfish, for what I can get out of it. If you tread on my toes, then the true nature and depth of the friendship is revealed. Chanakya Pandit (Niti shastra 6:8.) says that this kind of friend that is without commitment and without actual caring and love – well-wishing “…is like a bucket of poison with milk on top”. For as soon as there is some friction to the bucket the surface of "friendship" is broken like the surface skin on the bucket of poison is broken and the real nature of the relationship/poison is revealed - "I remember the day when you, you.........!" ".....you're a ......this or a that" and other kinds of negative misidentification. Their so-called friendship is mostly founded in ego-centric envy and its off-shoot impersonalism. Not really a friend, eh!!!???
The next is the madhyastha; he's the middle man, a working friendship, for the sake of the mission or overall objective we maintain friendly dealings, and so on, just to get things done. Cordial dealings, working relationship..... But ten or twenty years down the track there's about as much affection to each other as there was after the first year - very little. The commitment is mostly toward the mission - and that's good - at least there's commitment that maintains a relationship unlike the selfish mitra. But often it has been observed that in these working relationships if commitment does not develop with appreciation of the potential of the PERSON, then soon it will revert to that of the mitra.
The next kind of friend is the udasina, of which
Krishna calls Himself in Bhagavad Gita (9:9.; 14:22-25.; Srimad Bhagavatam
6:16:5.) where Sukadev describes it as being indifferent. This is not indifferent
as in the negative connotation that it carries in the material sense, probably
better in spiritual terms is neutral, but willing.
This was explained to me that as Srila
Prabhupad used to say that if one takes one step toward Him, He in return
makes 1000 steps toward us. He is there, neutral / indifferent, and so
we have to make the first move, He has the superior position. Yet once
the first step is taken and the friendship is bonded there is commitment
- acceptance. Actually He has been eagerly waiting for us to direct our
attention toward Him, and now that we have that commitment becomes steadfast.
Krishna is a kind and loving friend, he wants us back home more than we
want to go/come.
We've been
away so long and have gone off track – for those who haven't gone off
track its easy to interact and associate with him, but for us who are so
full of our own ideas, desires, etc., ...like a loving father or friend
He tries to encourage us back. Bhagavad Gita has the perfect example of
this, where in the 12th chapter (BG 12:8-15.) He tries to extend himself
by showing His inclusive nature to give us options to return according
to how far we have gone away from him.
The last kind of friend we alluded to in the beginning, but in the material world, in actual fact it is not so cheaply achieved, in fact it is so rare: Suhrdam sarva bhutanam (BG 5:29.), the suhrt (SB 1:8:49.) really it can only apply to a certain kind of kind of personality, Sri Krishna, Srila Prabhupad, other Vaishnava acharyas in the parampara, possibly a few purified devotees, and senior devotees today.......
Suhrt literally means Your Ever Well Wisher. If you'd take a moment to consider what this actually means we come back to the original statement found in the lecture on Nectar of Devotion which states that such a person only has our relationship with Krishna at heart, there's no question of some secondary, or separate “friendship”.
suhrin-miträry-udäsina-
madhyastha-dveshya-bandhushu
sädhushv api ca päpeshu
sama-buddhir vishishyate
“A person is said to be still further advanced when he regards all—the honest well-wisher, friends and enemies, the envious, the pious, the sinner, and those who are indifferent and impartial—with an equal mind.” (Bg. 6.9) This is a sign of real spiritual advancement. In this material world we are considering people friends and enemies on the bodily platform—that is, on the basis of sense gratification. If one gratifies our senses, he is our friend, and if he doesn’t, he is our enemy.
However, once we have realized God, or the Absolute Truth, reached the stage of asakti, and become purified, there are no such material considerations.
In this material world, all conditioned souls are under illusion. A doctor treats all patients, and although a patient may be delirious and insult the doctor, the doctor does not refuse to treat him. He still administers the medicine that is required. As Lord Jesus Christ said, we should hate the sin, not the sinner. That is a very nice statement, because the sinner is under illusion. He is mad. If we hate him, how can we deliver him? Therefore, those who are advanced devotees, who are really servants of God, do not hate anyone. When Lord Jesus Christ was being crucified, he said, “My God, forgive them. They know not what they do.” This is the proper attitude of an advanced devotee. He understands that the conditioned souls cannot be hated, because they have become mad due to their materialistic way of thinking. In this Krishna consciousness movement, there is no question of hating anyone. Everyone is welcomed to come and chant Hare Krishna, take krishna-prasäda, listen to the philosophy of Bhagavad-gitä, and try to rectify material, conditioned life. This is the essential program of Krishna consciousness.(Srila A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. PoP3. Path of Perfection.)
So called friendships of this world may come up to the platform of the mitra, and sometimes even to that of the madhyastha (which is also often tainted with symptoms of the mitra). But it is as “rare as Hen’s teeth” to find a person who is truly Suhrt.
In the material controlling sense, when someone wants
you to do something, or be something, that you might not want, and where
the personal relationship is either unconscious or seemingly non-existent,
or no longer there, often similar options to that of Bhagavad Gita (12th
chapter 8-14.) are given/offered – out-reaches of "friendship", with conditions
and guidelines, options showing favourability, work, charity, thinking
kindly – all this at best in the material world brings one to the “working-relationship”
of the madhyastha. All the workshops and "Resolve Projects" will only bring
one at best to madhyastha, but even that is something..............
Udasina is always careful, he knows that too much
too soon, or forced could also drive one away. So always waiting for our
commitment, the udasina waits for us to be ready, then His eagerness is
revealed. Krishna consciousness isn't like earning a degree at University,
that one gets the degree or diploma by sitting the course, it's not so
cheaply purchased, it's not a commodity available to be purchased or evaluated
by the external packaging. It's an internal change of heart that can be
sparked by near anything and not just a seminar one may attend for a fee.
The fee is the price we pay to cross the line to the spiritual perspective
giving up mundane misconceptions.
We can tell when we are becoming Krishna-ised (purified) when we begin to put the relation to all living beings as being part and parcel of, or in relationship to Krishna – just like Francis of Assisi, and other great devotees who related to Mother Earth, brother tree, cousin, this sister that. Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur in his Sri Chaitanya Shikshamrita spends nearly the entire 4th Chapter going over what he calls “sectarianism” – making distinctions based on sense gratification.
There was an interesting incident that is depicted in SuMadhwa Vijay (the biography of Madhwacarya life, by Narayan Panditacarya) regarding an incident that happened at Vishnu-mangalam in South India between Sripad Ananda Tirtha (Madhwacarya) and the saintly raj-pandit of the king who returned Madhwa’s books, Trivikram Panditacarya (father of the author of SuMadhwa-vijay).
Trivikram Panditacarya asked how it is that everything
is in relation to the God, and what is that relation? Madhwa called for
his trusted aide Hrishikesha Tirtha to bring a full coconut. Madhwa then
took the coconut and asked his disciple to break it to reveal its components.
“What is this?” he asked of Trivikram Pandita.
“It is the husk of the coconut” Trivikrama Pandit replied.
“…and this?”
“…it is the coconut kernel” the best of pandits
replied.
“…and this?”
“…why it is coconut meat” he again answered.
“…and this?”
“…it is the milk of the coconut!” Trivikram replied.
“So what is it that they all have in relation?”
Trivikram thought for a second and said “…coconut!”
“Yes indeed, without coconut, none of them have any independent
existence.” Madhwa stated, “…and so similarly this world and all that we
see in it have no separated existence without their creator. Therefore
they are all in relation to Him, even though they are individual and separate
in their function.” Thus Madhwa preached his philosophy of ‘bimba pratibimbatvada’,
which is very close to the later teachings of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu
‘achintya-bhed-abheda tattwa’ – simultaneously one yet difference.
If we can keep the spiritual perspective of who these
souls are that we see, in other words if we are actually Krishna conscious,
and not just putting on an external show of it, or theorizing in the subject,
then we will truly see all living beings in relation to their/our Lord
– even those who neglect to acknowledge the fact.
The rebellious
son may go away from home, and even reject his father and mother and even
tell his new acquaintances that they are dead. But the fact of the matter
is that they are in existence, and furthermore would love to see their
son reform and come back home to them.
We need to go back home......
Friends B 1
Friends B 1-2.
Friends
Different kinds of Devotees
- Ordinary & Transcendentally Situated as mentioned by Bhaktivinod
Thakur
Deviants - disqualified - fallen and redemable
Written words of HDG Srila A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupad is by courtesy of http://www.vedabase.com/ Used with permission.
YoungFOLK
Once, and to illustrate how the mind
of
the 'Jiva' becomes covered by the illusory potency of the Lord, He by His
unfathomable 'Will' gave Narad Muni (the personality who is often used
by the Lord to symptomise the actions or thoughts of us 'jivas') what he
wanted when he inquired about his chances of enjoying separately from him,
material life. Lord Visnu assured Narad that material life only occurs
due to the influence of 'Maya', the enchantress. Narad then asked if he
could see that 'Maya' (illusion). Thus Lord Visnu, on the request of Narad
covered him (Jiva), and turned him into an attractive female. The story
begins:
"...Lord Visnu riding on the back of Garuda, along
with Narada leaves Vaikuntha heading for the material world. Crossing forests,
rivers, cities, lakes, villages and mountain they finally reached Kanyakubja.
There they saw what appeared to be a beautiful lake. Garuda landed and
Lord Visnu and Narad descended from him. Together they walked along the
shore of the lake (an aspect of the sacred Viraj nadi), for quite some
time. For a while they sat together under the shade of the same tree. Then
Lord Visnu said to Narad that it was time for him to take his bath in the
lake. Pleased at the suggestion of enjoying, Narad immediately gave his
deer-skin and vina to the Lord who kept them next to Himself, on the shore
awaiting Narad's return. Then Narad washed his face in the waters, then
his feet, and performed 'achaman' sipping water libations, with sacred
'kusha' grass, and finally stepped into the water and immersed himself,
bloop!
What a surprise! When Narad came out of the waters
his spiritual form ('svarup') had assumed the external form ('bahya') of
a woman of stunning beauty. She had no memory of her previous birth.
She came from out of the water and stood there
on the shore of the lake admiring the scenery, and watching the surroundings
there. Then a king called Taaladhvaj ('one who is like the fruit of the
taal palm; or palm bannered one', (Maneka Gandhi, 1992. Book of Hindu Names.
page 433.) came by on horse-back and addressed the beautiful damsel as
Saubhagyasundari, 'a beautiful maiden of fortune' (Maneka Gandhi, 1992.
Book of Hindu Names. page 383.), and started talking with her. Within hours
they were married, and Taaladhvaj took her to his palace and spent their
honey-moon there together.
Twelve years passed, and Saubhagyasundari became
pregnant, and in due course gave birth to a son called Viravarmaa. After
another two years she got another son, Sudharmaa. Every two years after
that she gave birth, for twenty four years, becoming the mother of twelve
sons. After some time she bore eight more sons also. When all the twenty
sons had grown they were all married 'according to family tradition', and
in due course each of them had sons. Thus Taaladhvaj and Saubhagyasundari
became the heads of a veritable dynasty, of children and grandchildren,
and lived happily.
However, one day a king and his army who came from
a distant place marched on Kanyakubja and surrounded it. In the battle
that followed most of Saubhagyasundari's son's and grandsons were killed.
The king fled from the battle-field and returned to the palace. Saubhagyasundari
was in such distress for her family members that when the opposing king
finally left the area with his men, she went down to the battlefield and
searched among the dead, and dying for her a last look at her son's and
grandson's. the sight terrified her, the mutilated bodies lying there,
some without heads, other without limbs too, their eyes protruding, their
stomach's cut open, intestines lying out and blood everywhere. She fell
to the blood sodden ground and wept bitterly.
Then Lord Visnu appeared, but in the guise of an
old brahmin and spoke with her. He gave her instructions on the nature
of materialistic life, and its futility's. Saubhagyasundari then called
for her king Taaladhvaj and together they went to seek out the reservoir
where they had first met so many years before, as instructed by the old
brahmin. Saubhagyasundari now quite realized did as the brahmin had told
her to do entered into the waters. Lo!!! She became Narad Muni again!
When Narad got up from the lake's waters Lord Visnu
was standing there with Narad's deer-skin, and vina, and smiling at him.
Seeing Lord Visnu standing there in this way invoked remembrance of what
had happened. For a moment Narad stood there recounting in his memory
what had happened.
'Come on Narad finish your bath, you're such a
dreamer! what are you thinking about?' Lord Visnu said to him.
Perplexed at seeing his wife now gone, and a mendicant
standing there before him Taaladhvaj Maharaj asked where she had gone.
Lord Visnu went to him to console him saying, 'that all these ties that
we have in this world are ephemeral', and encouraged him to take his (purifying)
bath in the lake. Taaladhvaj after his bath was dispassionate to the affairs
of the material world and after performance of penance in that forest attained
moksa, release too!"(Devi Bhagavat Purana. 8th Skandha.; Vettam Mani. 1964.
Puranic Encyclopaedia. page 784.)
